Humans. Strange species these ones. Many times I wish I was born alien, but then I remember that there would be no guarantee that I would still get to have an ass so natural and squat-free as I do now, so I sit it down and suck it up. Do forgive me, Optimus Prime but I mean, we have all seen alien butt in the movies…most of them look like something a car ran over, thrice, and the good ones resemble Humpty Dumpty after he has fallen over the wall. Therefore, all ass-ets and ass-urances considered, I am kind of glad that the Almighty saw it fit to make me human, woman to be precise.
Moving on swiftly, (from my posterior blessings) I have realized overtime that human kind may be the most intelligent of God’s creation, but amongst ourselves, we are quite the jumbled up type, and that is okay to a certain level,just not to the extremes described below. The world will never be a better place because of these people;
- The kind-of fucked up
- The very fucked up
- The SERIOUSLY fucked up
- The ‘Okay, that head just wasn’t filled up with brain’ fucked up.
You will give all you have to someone and do all you can to make sure they are happy. Then at first sight of a prettier or taller person they will break your heart and treat you like shit, then ask if you can still be friends. That is kind of fucked up.
Your best friend will tell all your dirty little secrets to her other BFF, the one you’d rather go to Jehovah Wanyonyi than say a word to. They will dissect every little thing you do with your life, give high fives as they laugh and scoff at all the mistakes you have made. Then she will bring her ass back to you for some more soup, all the while shamelessly singing the ‘as long as my b*@ches love me…’Drake line. That is VERY, fucked up.
A man will collude with his sisters to kill their parents just so they will get to inherit some darn ass wealth. Then they will use most of it to pay for whatever means most effective to hide the fact that they committed murder, and the rest to file law suits and to sue each other’s asses in court for mismanagement of the same wealth they killed for. Others will divide your wealth and property amongst themselves whilst you are still alive, just in case you die, like Adebayor’s folk. That is SERIOUSLY fucked up.
Hundreds of men are almost dying of zee thirst, bravely enduring long terms of dry spells, using their Vaseline for more than just their faces. A Mollis gets the chance to have a good lay and enjoy it for what it is then decides that, ” You know what, why not record it? It would make a really good reference the next time I am alone and the little man below is demanding for attention. In fact, why not let the world know,or hear to be precise,of the stallion I am, just because?”
Tell you what Mollis, you indeed come close to being a stallion, because you are an ass of an ignoramus that The Almighty should consume with the fire of fires that will roast you so hard you won’t recognize your left scrotum from your right. You take the crown of Mr. Ultimate Fuck-up.